Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Heart-wrenching

I've wanted to write something but I don't know what to write.

Other people have voiced my own thoughts much better than I can.

Last Friday, after learning about the Sandy Hook tragedy, I was glued to the TV for the rest of the day. I cried all day long. I couldn't get enough of whatever news was being shared.

I ached to have my own babies home from school, just so that I could revel in their alive-ness.

By Friday night, I was emotionally tapped out and made the conscious decision to limit my TV viewing for the rest of the weekend. My heart just couldn't handle the sadness of it all.

I am still so sad.

I am trying to stay away from TV media because it will almost always send me back to the tears. Why is this hitting me so hard? Is it because I have my own 6 yr old first grader? I look at his innocence, his sweetness, his funny self who wants to be hugged and kissed and loved on all of the time and then I think of those poor children who lost their lives at the hands of some crazy lunatic and then I think of their poor parents and the pain they are experiencing right now.

I want to take some of their pain away but have no idea how.

Oh how I ache for the lives lost Friday morning in a senseless act of violence.

There is no way to make sense because it just doesn't make sense.

I thought I had collected myself enough to be able to watch this video and be OK, but apparently I am not done just yet. That big puddle of messy tears in the chair over there is ME. I love this song and have it on my iPod list already. To hear it sung and to watch all the names of those children and teachers who are no longer with us displayed......well, it is just heart-wrenching.

4 comments:

Leigh Ann said...

I was not prepared for how emotional that would make me? It's one of my all time favorite songs, and the tributes with the names....sigh.

I was pretty numb on Friday, but the littlest things set me off. I've been finding patience with my kids since then in places I never knew it existed.

Erin said...

I am torn between staying away from the media and being drawn back to the stories of the victims because I can't let their lives be lost in vain. I feel like I have to know them as much as I can, but it's so hard. Looking at those babies and seeing my own child of their age cuts so deep.

Elaine A. said...

I can't take it either. I was IN Gavin's Kindergarten class while that as going on across the country. My heart is so broken for those children and their families.

Hugs from one Momma to another!

Bari said...

((hugs)) It is heart wrenching. I had avoided social media and someone on FB posted that video. I watched it at work (school) and sat at my desk and sobbed. I can't imagine having kids the same age and how that would feel.