I hit the trail for a run that I know will hurt. It's been a week since I've done any kind of exercise, I've eaten lots of yummy food and partaken in some wine-drinking a night here, there, and everywhere. The sun is shining, the sky a bright blue, the temperature warming up quickly.
My feet start moving faster than a walk....barely.....but whatever. I know today is going to hurt and it does. I feel heavy and sluggish and like I've fed my body with complete crap lately. Oh wait, I HAVE.
My thoughts are all over the place. I think about running a marathon, about honoring my body in the year I turn 40 (in 2012), about how far I've come, that even on my crappy run days, I can crank out 3....barely.
I think about music and food and my family and my friends.
But mostly I think about running being my outlet for my emotions.
There is so much going on in my life right now, things I can't and won't write about here, but once again, as I am running, I think to myself: 2011 has been one of the most stressful years of my life. Moving, new job/long commute, new living situation, building a new house (that is taking freakin' forever), a unexpected death in the family, and other family stresses.
I hate whining and I try to stay positive because I do know that things are going to get better and they just have to, they just have to, they just have to. I remind myself that my marriage is going strong, my kids are healthy, and we have a roof over our heads and food in our bellies.
But man, have I been hit with some doozies in other ways and some days, the stress level is so high that I'm surprised that I haven't spontaneously combusted.
I keep running and then, right around mile 2.75, I LOST IT. IT, as in, I completely broke down in tears and sobbing and heaving and I had to stop running because I have not finessed the art of running and crying uncontrollably at the same time. I walk for a few minutes and then finally sat off to the side of the trail and let myself CRY IT OUT. Completely, until there were more tears for WHAT IS NOT.
Apparently, I've been holding in those tears and emotion for way too long and I needed to get it out.
I got it out and then some.
And this, THIS, is why I will keep running, even a crappy 3 mile run has a huge impact on my mental well-being.
Written as part of Heather of the Extraordinary Ordinary's Just Write Series.
9 comments:
What an awesome post. I totally understand. Maybe we don't have the same things we can't talk or write about, but we have them and they weigh on us. I wish that I liked running because people say such great things about it, but I hate it. I really really do. I have walking and that helps. I'm glad you got the great big ugly cry out and I'm glad you feel better. Sometimes a big cry is just what we need to cleanse the soul.
{{{{hugs}}}}
i had to cry it out on the way to the gym this morning, something about goggles and staying afloat meant i couldn't cry in the pool.
Sometimes a good cry is THE best thing.
You've definitely got some stressful things going on right now and You need to let it all out every now and again.
Hugs from LA. Wish I could give you some in person. xo
I so get this. I once started sobbing during a run, after one of Tommy's seizures. It was so cathartic.
ps, I turn 30 in 2012. Maybe we should both become marathoners. :)
I totally get this. And sometimes you just need to get it the freak out! Holding it in is no good!
Absolutely understand. You need to get that shit out or it will literally eat you alive. Cry. If you need to - call me and I'll cry with you.
((hugs))
I haven't met you, but I love you. I love your honesty. I love that you are taking care of yourself. You inspire me!
this was me on the yoga mat a month or so ago.
this was also me yesterday walking thru HEB.
whatever it takes for us to keep on keepin on is what *I* think.
Crying is very theraputic! I'm so sorry you have had such a crappy year...but it will get better!! Love you!!
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